It's been a while since I last wrote! There's a lot I could say. My life has been going pretty great overall. I'm currently on winter break and I have everything I've ever wanted, but I'm not feeling good at the moment. I might make a separate blog post with happier things, but for now I have this.
I don't know if it's the change of seasons and the lack of sunlight or what, but I've just been dealing with this non-specific deep-seated sadness for a while. I thought it was my period but that's over and it hasn't gone away. I don't even know why I'm so sad so I don't know how to fix it. Have you ever anticipated grief? Like have you ever thought "one day I won't have any of this anymore and I'll be nostalgic for this time"? That's happening to me now as well. I also have this constant feeling of impending doom, like something really bad is about to happen at any moment. It never does, everything is going just fine, but that's what it feels like. It's probably the change of seasons. I am not made for the winter I AM FOREVER A SUMMER GIRL my body needs sunlight and warmth and clear skies and bikinis. I could never be a vampire.
On a lighter note, I've been watching the world cup!! I've found myself watching way more matches than last time around and really enjoying them. Argentina vs Cape Verde was the worst time of my entire life, Vozinha gave the performance of A LIFETIME, that man had us sweating bullets fr. It was really bittersweet, Cape Verde went home but they earned the respect and admiration of the entire rest of the world, esp Argentina's. Paraguay vs Germany was also insane, my cola-hater almond dad was so overjoyed after Paraguay won that he told me to go buy a coke to celebrate. When it comes to players tho I especially <3 Erling Haaland, he's so funny on social media and he's just a joy to watch on the field. He plays like someone smashing all the buttons on a controller and hitting crazy combos. I am seriously considering getting a photocard of him and putting cute sparkly charms and stickers on it like kpop stans do with idols. Sadly all other latin countries (and Cape Verde) have been eliminated, so if Argentina doesn't win I'd like Norway to win.
Mercadopago (an e-wallet app) is hosting a football lottery for the cup and they let you make groups with your friends to compete over who can predict the most results. I don't know shit about fart but somehow I'm on the number one spot in my group, above a few guys who live and breathe football. They treat me like I'm The Oracle now. I like to think that since I know literally nothing, my intuition takes full control and ends up being right.
I think I'm too sensitive for football though. The other day I cried when England fans sang Hey Jude to Jude Bellingham after the match against Croatia. Imagine having an entire stadium sing to you. Then I got sad when Norway defeated Brazil because I love Brazil and I know they take football as seriously as we do and I know how heartbreaking it is to be out of the cup, and then I got even MORE SAD because Norway is up against England next, and that means Haaland and Bellingham, who are good friends and used to play together in dortmund, are gonna have to play against each other. Today I cried because Messi cried. My dad makes fun of me for this. I think a huge portion of male football fans are just as emotional as me but they display it in different, often violent ways. Maybe we'd all be a bit better off if we just cried and held each other during matches, I think.